Imperfectly Perfect

Following on from my ‘about me’ introduction. I’m a 39 year old single, full time working mum.

As a little girl, I had dreams of marrying a handsome prince, having children and living in a castle without a care in the world.

Although as I grew up, I knew this wasn’t a realistic dream (well, Prince William & Harry are both off the market now!) .

I spent many years unhappy in myself, maybe this was brought on from unrealistic expectations of fairytales I read as a girl.

I suffered with depression, body dysmorphia, anorexia & anxiety. I endured two abusive relationships, always believing that it would get better, always making excuses, always trying too hard.

I will go into more detail in future blogs about life, what I’ve learned and how I’ve overcome it.

However, I just wanted to leave you with some food for thought.

A psychologist once asked me why I question myself so much as a parent, why was I always so hard on myself? We had a huge discussion about my life, how I was brought up, why I was so enthralled in making everyone around me proud & happy & how a viewed myself now.

He simply asked me who I prioritise in life, I looked at him stupidly and said “obviously my children”. I couldn’t quite grasp why he was asking a single parent of two such a silly question.

He told me that this is the wrong answer, everyone answers with this as this is what society wants us to say, however, the right answer is “ME”. I should always put myself first.

Once he explained that it is not selfish to prioritise yourself and that by ensuring that I’m happy, everyone else around me will also be happy.

This doesn’t mean that you would feed yourself over your children if you had no money, it does not mean that you would save yourself over your children in a life or death situation.

It means that we can take time to do something for ourselves, other than cook, clean, work, take the children out and fall into a monotonous circle of tasks & jobs.

Self care can be as simple as asking someone to watch the kids so that you can take a long, hot soak in a candle-lit bubble bath instead of taking a 2 minute shower while the kids are running in needing to poop.

It can be finding a hobby to do while the kids are asleep.

It can be taking a short spa break with a friend or loved one, it can be whatever you want your self care to be.

I think we fall into a culture of worrying too much about what other people think, would people think deem me egotistical, selfish, self-centred & inconsiderate?

But the truth is, I’ve genuinely never been happier. I don’t have a lot of money, I don’t own my own home but what I do have are two happy children and a healthy mental wellbeing.

I was chatting with a friend the other day and I said that there was a point in life that I would iron everything, yes, everything, towels, socks, underwear, bedding. You name it, I used to iron it.

I’m now at a stage in life where I can happily leave a few pots in the sink if I’m feeling mentally exhausted, they’ll be there in the morning.

I’m at a stage now where I’ve learned that it’s ok to go to bed at 9pm and watch a bit of TV in my own space.

I’m at a stage now where I’ve learned that even princesses get exhausted….

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